I’m Not for Everyone (And I Don’t Want to Be)

I’m not a fan of the cliche, “Don’t try and be liked by everyone.” It’s overused, platitudinous, and is easy to say. And it ignores the fact that biologically speaking, we do want to be liked by everyone. Having folks that look out for you, have your back, and approve of you improves your social status and both indirectly and directly enhances your chances of survival. It makes plenty of sense to me why one’s behavior would be influenced by the anticipation of and response to what others think. Without simply repeating a cliche, I am going to attempt to communicate the cliche’s sentiment.

One must make a decision (with the exception of preventing harm to others): Do we want our actions to be guided principally by the potential responses of others or by the meaning we derive? This is not an easy question to answer. Socially, it would be much safer to align with the former. We are spared any short term discomfort that could be stimulated from a response of disapproval. The problem here is that folks’ responses aren’t uniform. So then we begin to play this guessing game that requires “pre-checking” each action, sentence, sentiment, etc depending on whom we are speaking with. And what if we are speaking to a group? If we say anything worth saying, not everyone in that room will nod with glimmering eyes.

So then we come to option two…acting and speaking to derive and create meaning for oneself. Meaning is a precursor to happiness. In a world that doesn’t seem to have any built in meaning at default (this is up for debate, but is my current philosophical stance), one must behave in a way that creates a personal meaning. This comes as a result of our utterances, thoughts, and behaviors. These must not be muddied by the anticipation of others’ responses. Otherwise, it is no longer meaningful. It is simply a manipulation of truth, a facade used to avoid discomfort. Notice if what you are saying or doing feels true. Examine your speech and behaviors from an observer’s point of view. Please know that you will not be for everyone. Question is…do you want to be?